One of the reasons I was having such a hard time letting go was the rejection aspect. There are people that I want to spend all my free time that intersects with theirs with them. This is not to the exclusion of alone time, time with other friends, other responsibilities or time with God. Our free time does not intersect very often, leaving much time for other friends and myself. The major responsibility we have to do is studying; I greatly enjoy simply studying with them. Time spent with them in the presence of God is ideal. I’d much prefer that than simply time with them. I love being around them. They make me happy. It used to be similar to this. But the vice versa isn’t true. Boyfriends change that. And that’s okay; that’s the way it should be. I don’t and shouldn’t hold that place in their lives, especially not now because of their relationships. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t still hurt. That doesn’t mean that letting go is easy. I am solely at fault here. I allowed myself into a role that never should have been mine.
But then it hit me, God wants me. God wants me all the time, not just my free time. God wants me whether I’m sad or happy. God wants me both by myself and with others. God is always there. And that’s incredible. That’s more than I could ever want or ask for. He knows my heart; he knows my pain. He knows every fiber of my heart and He still loves me. He created the universe. He desires to be with me every moment.